Saturday, June 14, 2008

sometimes i don't like the internet

so today i woke up to a picture message on my phone from dan, showing me a pic of this bike that had been hanging on his neighbor's garage wall for who knows how long out in weather. which is really cool you know for him, it being free and everything but it really put the brakes on my day, like, he just got a awesome red bike first thing in the morning and now i'm gonna have to top that, but i don't even got butter for toast, what with being poor and making bad shopping decisions and all. I'll have a list and everything, and then i'll be walking home with bags of groceries and look down and there's a mini keg of beer in there right where the butter and the plunger were supposed to be, and i'm not gonna go make two trips on the store in one day, so i nurse the keg and think what kind of a terrible breakfast i'll be having, coffee and toast with no butter.
all that from a red bike, man, so i just say to myself "well man if you can't top a red bike then don't bother with nothing and try again tomorrow" then it's all swamp moods from there.

also i suckered into one of those ads on the internet that you been seeing since the old webcrawler days, filling out surveys and getting paid big dime for it, always seems too good to be true, but you're always kind of mulling it over when you have a shitty job, sittin' there putting mcpatties on the broiler thinking that you could be doing hell of better holed up in your room with your new afi cd and clicking on answers to questions. so i rack up something like a small fortune in points, which are redeemed into cash money, over a hundred bucks, and i'm so pleased i say out loud 'damn dude you found the perfect calling your pot of coffee ain't even ready yet' but when i try and cash out it tells me that i have a minimum number of offers that i have to fill out, so i'm grumbling a little about that, but justifying it, saying well yeah they can't have any old homebody nickel-and-diming them they need people who're gonna take this seriously but then after i do all that i try to cash out again and they tell me that i also have to make a certain money amount to get any at all and that blows my top, so i want to have a word with their customer service, but they ain't got no number on the site so i google map their address and it shows me a toys r us in arizona and no way in hell this toy company is running something like this on the side and it dawns on me that they probably just scammed me so hard and i get all panicky, looking at my credit card and my email and stuff, but nothing's happening so i calm down a little. still though it's like my info or something is sitting in some data farm and it's only a matter of time before this greasy hacker is gonna remember that he sold me up the river a couple of months ago and is gonna go cash in all sorts of stuff like lotto tickets and sports cars and a hooker. falling all over myself on 20/20 on another rambling identity theft special with tom brokaw type suits making me look like a fool when i already damn well know that.

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